Self Care When You Don’t Know How To Care For Yourself

Self care is arguably one of the best marketed rituals in modern society, but aside from good marketing there’s a very raw need for every human to take good care of ourselves. We all know that life is harder when we don’t feel our best. But most of us have no idea how to actually take care of ourselves, and the ads convinced us we have to buy to feel taken care of. But even after we buy, what then?

We have to figure out how to nurture ourselves naturally, because our bodies crave natural solutions to natural problems. 

Mothers and caregivers often suffer in silence because we forget that our needs matter. BUT in order to fill someone else's cup, ours can't be empty. Otherwise, what are we filling theirs with? 

The most simple solution I have for this lack of concern we take on for ourselves, is to pretend like you are the child you are taking care of. When it’s a child you love, it’s much easier to put yourself in their shoes. You KNOW they have to have their needs met, or they don’t grow properly. 

It’s hard for adults to learn self care out of the blue, but you have no choice. You have to invest in yourself just like you invest in any other asset in your life. You already know the alternative is illness. 

Here is an exercise you can do; 

Pretend like you are your own little child and you're asking yourself for water, food, a break, a hug, a nap - start off with simple things and gradually build toward bigger asks. Notice how it feels when you deny your little self the things she needs, and notice how it feels when you freely give your little self everything she asks for. 

Sit with both feelings as they come. Don’t force anything on yourself - just notice yourself. 

Every time you have a need and it gets denied by your adult self acting like it's not that important.. Immerse yourself back in that feeling of how it felt to deny your little son or daughter something simple - like water, when they're thirsty. 

This simple exercise keeps me in check when I am working with children, and need a realistic reminder. If I burn out, nobody is happy. 

It’s important to start off small with “small asks”. Even though having a pee break when you need to go to the bathroom is a pretty big deal - we still don’t do it when we are too focused on our children. As soon as the small asks are mastered, you will begin to learn on your own what kind of self care works best for you. For starters, just make sure we’re taking those bathroom breaks and feeding ourselves well.